A Modest Business Proposal: Gestatr.ly™

I was just thinking as I was reading that Facebook and Apple are offering to pay for freezing their female employees’ eggs so they can keep working that we really aren’t taking this whole thing to its logical conclusion.

Face it, if a woman is doing well at work now, why should we assume that she’ll be more willing to take the time to have a child later in life when, theoretically, she’s progressed to greater levels of responsibility by foregoing her primitive desire to reproduce just because she happens to feel like “creating and nurturing a new life”.

No, I think we can further promote gender and economic equality by having those frozen eggs implanted into the young, fertile wombs of our nation’s currently unemployed women. They could be paid a fee for carrying our capable, professional women’s offspring to term, and if they do a good job, be transitioned from contract to a full-time position as a child management associate, thereby relieving our nation’s parents of the distraction of child-rearing while still allowing them to claim the tax deductions.

The benefits of this arrangement are manifold: the professional woman can continue to serve her corporation without the distracting tug of motherhood, the surrogate mother can earn a wage by providing market-disrupting contract gestation services, and the economy benefits by each contributing to society in the manner in which they are most capable.

Now, surely, some out there might suggest that by treating the ability to bear children as some sort of weird, isolated, add-on option to an otherwise functional worker unit, we’re negating our basic humanity. They might argue that it’s society’s role to accommodate the reality of our biological existence and that the conditions of a successful career should not require a woman to undergo a medical procedure to give the impression of extending her viable fertility. They might say that’s a sad statement on our collective priorities.

Those naysayers might suggest that, instead, by subsidizing such things as high-quality childcare or by providing more reasonable maternity (and paternity) leave and managing its career impact, we might better address the basic dilemma of being a human animal forced into an unnatural economic life. We might honor womanhood, parenthood, family, and the cycle of life that makes us human rather than treat them as unworthy indulgences.

Well, they’d be wrong. This isn’t about being happy. It’s about being successful!

The United States, along with Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, Liberia and Lesotho are some of the only countries in the world that provide no type of financial support for mothers, according to a study done by McGill University’s Institute for Health and Social Policy.
— The Huffington Post, Maternity Leaves Around The World

Introducing Gestatr.ly™, the new employee benefit to attract women to high-tech! Gestatr.ly will provide artificial insemination of your eggs with the sperm of your choosing from our catalog and implantation into our surrogate gestation professionals. Our Platinum package also comes with follow-on services to raise and release your young into the wild. Your GKid™ will be 100% genetically yours. You’re a mom! You’ll have full access to your child as your schedule allows, and we guarantee not to fly or eat at restaurants with it to avoid inconveniencing other professionals. You’ll also retain all of the tax benefits of your GKid as a dependent while having complete freedom to stay at the office as much as your employer deems necessary. Nothing will stand in the way of your success!

Gestatr.ly: Helping women lean all the way in since 2014.

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